We Are What We Are

We Are What We Are (2013)

We Are What We Are (2013)

So we’ve been so terrible about updating daily…but I just saw a movie that I REALLY want to give my two cents about.

This movie is about a family of cannibals.

I want to just throw my theory of the ending out there…please give me your opinion about the ending… and please DON’T READ if you don’t want SPOILERS:

 .-.
(o o) boo!
| O \
 \   \
  `~~~'



                     Double,double
                     Toil and trouble
   (       "     )   Fire burn and
    ( _  *           Cauldron bubble
       * (     /      \    ___
          "     "        _/ /
         (   *  )    ___/   |
           )   "     _ o)'-./__
          *  _ )    (_, . $$$
          (  )   __ __ 7_ $$$$
           ( :  { _)  '---  $\
      ______'___//__\   ____, \
       )           ( \_/ _____\_
     .'             \   \------''.
     |='           '=|  |         )
     |               |  |  .    _/
      \    (. ) ,   /  /__I_____\
  snd  '._/_)_(\__.'   (__,(__,_]
      @---()_.'---@

If you’ve already seen the movie…what do you think about this?

The mother and father were actually siblings that were raised in the cannibal lifestyle together. They grew up together and extended the “we are what we are” family and eventually she dies of cannibalistic madness disease.

You see in a couple scenes of the film that the younger daughter is VERY attached to her older sister. The younger daughter, Rose, wants to get away from this life…as long as it is with her siblings Iris and Rory. Rose is incredibly bothered by the thought of her older sister spending time with the deputy BF and when Iris goes off with him, all of a sudden the father shows up and kills him mid-coitus. I think the younger daughter tipped him off as to where they went because she was jealous and/or worried about Iris abandoning her and starting a new life.

How else would their dad have known where they had gone?

When Iris gets grazed in the head with the doctor’s bullet, Rose assumes that Iris has died and runs off with Rory to start a new life. They run to the truck and when that doesn’t work out, they run to their neighbor’s (Kelly McGillis) trailer. Iris doesn’t do anything to help the situation…she doesn’t explain the issue nor ask the neighbor to phone the police. She just waits until the neighbor is killed off. She WANTS the evidence to die so she can get away. She’s a sociopath.

When the father says that Iris is still alive, Rose is lured back in because she wants to be with her sister. Her and Rory go back to the house and the father gives the oldest daughter and incredibly creepy kiss which suggests that he might eventually try to become sexual with her (suggesting that incest isn’t off-limits in their family history). Eventually Rose and Iris kill their father. They are shown driving off together, with Rose looking happy and satisfied and holding the “book” on her lap.

I think that Rose now wants to hold onto the insular, cannibal tradition because that will give her the power to keep Iris in her life…possibly in a relationship MORE than just sisters. It’s the 21st century…they could totally live together as partners without much attention and also raise Rory and build a family.

I think this is an odd tale about incest and cannibalism. From the reviews I’ve read about the movie, I don’t see anyone speculating about the incest part of it. Is it odd that I think this is blatantly obvious in the movie???

Anyways…I’d love to hear anyone else’s take on it!

  • Zoombear
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The Omen

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It may be the Omen, or just you know, like working with kids in general.

A timeless classic about the most evil force of all: small children. As a childcare professional I can attest to this. That and rottweilers apparently.

Robert Thorn is an American ambassador living in Rome where his wife is giving birth to their son. He rolls up to the catholic hospital and a creeper priest tells him his baby died, and 2 minutes later is like “well, we got a spare orphan here, take that one.” Dude’s like “well, we were kind of looking forward to our own, that just died like five minutes ago.” and creeper priest is like, “this is a sweet deal, your wife doesn’t even have to know, she wakes up, and oh look here, baby!” so Thorn accepts and gets pressured into totally and completely deceiving his wife and potentially ruining his entire marriage/life, which is yeah, basically what happens. Moral of the story (besides kids will ruin your life) maybe don’t deceive your spouse to epic proportions.

So they name their son Damien and become a happy family and Thorn gets appointed as the ambassador to Britain whereby they move to London. It’s also explained that his best friend and college roommate is the president of the U.S. so obviously they’re going to have some killer reunions. At Damien’s birthday party his nanny publicly hangs herself in front of the entire party from the roof of the Thorn’s mansion. Again, as a childcare professional, I have to say, understandable and not a bad way to go.

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Look at that sense of relief. Maybe she also made 10 euros an hour.

A new nanny, named Mrs.Baylock (imagine if Mary Poppins were older, slightly less hot, and a satanist that worships the anti-Christ) shows up unexpectedly.

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Nothing against Billie Whitelaw, but even though Julie Andrews is like 85 at this point, I’d still probably hit it.

The Thorn’s can’t figure out where she came from, and then never bother to follow up with the agency that supposedly sent her (and then are all annoyed when she starts doing shady things, I mean, is this the reason livescan was invented or what?). After this, odd things start happening, consistently centered around Damien. A rottweiler appears that Mrs.Baylock presumptuously adopts and keeps around even after Mr.Thorn tells her to get rid of it, Damien freaks out and refuses to go inside of a church attacking his mother in the process, and the monkeys at the zoo he visits with his mom go ape shit (pun intended).

Meanwhile, another creeper priest (but Irish this time) keeps following Thorn around trying to tell him that Damien is the devil and must be killed in order to save humanity. The priest says that the devil and his merry band of anti-Christ worshippers plan to kill off the Thorns and use their power, influence, and money to take over the world. He predicts that Thorn’s wife is pregnant again, and that Damien will try and prevent the child from being born.

Thorn dismisses the priest as a whack job and tells him to fuck off. The priest then gets impaled by a lightening rod in a freak accident and Thorn finds out his wife is indeed pregnant, and starts thinking maybe crazy priest wasn’t just hitting the sacramental wine too hard, and may actually know his shit.

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“Hello Father Donegan. Sidewalks? Sidewalks?”

Basically Damien, with the help of Mrs.Baylock runs his mom over a stairway railing, she loses the pregnancy and almost dies. A reporter that has been noticing all the freaky stuff happening regarding the Thorns approaches Mr. Thorn and says that he knows something is up and wants to help him.

They go to Rome to try and find out more about Damien’s birth but the hospital has conveniently been in a fire and everyone and thing that could have helped them was destroyed. They found out that there was no Damien’s mother, yup, he be the devil after all, and then decide to follow everyone’s advice saying that they should kill him (but it has to be in a church). Reporter guy gets decapitated in a freak accident, and Thorn goes home to kill the kid. He gets in a fight with Mrs.Baylock, kills her, and then starts driving like an asshole resulting in the cops following him and the whole plan getting Fu barred. He tries to seal the deal, but the cops shoot him to death, after which the president and first lady adopt Damien.

I liked this movie, as it was my second time watching it, but again the whole plot hit a bit close to home. In the end the one that got the best deal was probably the nanny that hung herself, but you still had timeless life lessons like lying is bad, sometimes you try to do the right thing and it fails miserably blah blah blah. Gregory Peck still looked good though. One thing is for sure; I will keep the kids I work with away from Rottweilers.

BurritoLvr

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V/H/S

This movie is about a group of men/boys that go around causing havoc. They record videos of life porn-example- They chased a girl and her boyfriend down lifted her shirt and recorded the actions. They sell it for approx. 50 bucks a tape. One of the guys were offered a job to retrieve a VHS tape from some old dude’s house. Since it was going to pay well the 4 guys all agreed to do it.

The guys break into the house. The old man is dead with like 5 tvs and a VCR in front of him. One by one each of the guys come into the room and turn on the VHS.

Guy number one watches a story of this group of friends who go to clubs to take advantage of girls and take them back to hotel rooms and well… you get the point.. that all ended when she came along..

vhs-picture03-1Once that mini story was over guy#1 disappeared and guy #2 comes in the room and starts watching the video. His story is about a couple who is traveling cross country and one night while in their hotel room the boyfriend is trying to get fresh with the girlfriend on camera. Well while he is epic-ally failing there is a knock on the door and it is a creepy chick in all black. They turn her down to offer her a ride. While they were sleeping she came in to the room and stole monies and looked at the chick’s butt. The next night the girl comes back into the room kills the boyfriend and records herself kissing the girlfriend.

v-h-sRight after that mini story a group of four friends are driving to the woods to go camping. Once they get to the woods Wendy the girl who organized the trip told them they were all going to die up there. While getting high by the lake they started asking her what she meant. She acted like she was kidding. Spider took the blonde chick (forgot her name) to go pee. Of course he took the camera with him to record her. Then some demonic guy/thing kills both of them and Wendy retrieves the camera. She finds the last friend(supposed hot guy) and asks him to fuck her.. to get into the lake with her and fuck each other’s brains out!  The demonic guy/thing comes from behind him and kills him. well as it so happens… Miss Wendy was part of the group of teens that were murdered previously and she was back to get him on camera because nobody  believed her. Needless to say though she tried really hard to capture him on tape she was unsuccessful and she was murdered.

vhs-4So then the guy who watched the VHS disappeared and another one of his cronies came in the dead guy was not in the chair but of course he did not realize that he sat down and started watching another story. His story was a chick who would video chat(face time) with her boyfriend all day and night. Well she was having trouble sleeping because she said that she was hearing noises. So that night she face timed her boyfriend and he saw the ghost. Well this scenario continued for a matter of days and one day she started digging in her arm and that was the night she had to talk to the “ghost.”  While trying to talk to the “ghost” she got knocked out and her boyfriend came in her house even though he was supposed to be hundreds of miles away. He cut her open and pulled out a somewhat human creature.. I HAVE NO IDEA! Anyways he played it off like she walked out side sleep walking and got injured really bad. So basically he is doing this with multiple girls and it is some weird ass conspiracy theory.

v_h_s-06Well now… That punk disappeared also. So the final story is when the lead of the group comes in the room notices all of his cronies are MIA and that the dead dude is missing. He walked down stairs and sees one of his cronies laying headless on the ground. He sees the dead guy standing there and as always in horror movies he runs up stairs. He dies.

His mini story is… a group of guys headed out for a Halloween party. Didn’t remember shit.. not the address…. nothing. So they assumed it was this one house on a M street. First clue that it was not the house.. It was empty.. yes folks.. I said it EMPTY. but do you think these dillweeds even 2nd guessed that it was the wrong house..NOPE NOT AT ALL. so they entered from the back (heh heh) and started seeing creepy things.. Found their way up the attic where there was a Satanic ritual being held.  They tried to save the girl. The house started attacking them. They got away from the house. The devil still claimed the girl and their car stalled out on railroad tracks. tisk tisk. Well they died.

v-h-s5Then ending credits.

 

So this movie was a trip. It jumped around a lot. Because it was a found footage movie it was hard to stay on track. the mini stories were creepy and i will probably be sleeping with my closet doors shut tonight but i just don’t see how the cronies fit in to the mini stories. This is kind of like a tales from the dark side type thing with douche bags vandalizing things, harassing chicks, and breaking into people’s house.

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Rosemary’s Baby…or an ode to Ruth Gordon

After watching Rosemary’s Baby for the first time in over 15 years, I realize that instead of writing a review I would simply like to post a bunch of stuff that shows my love for Ruth Gordon.

From the very beginning of the movie she is the epitome of old-lady chic:

steppin' out with my Ruthie

steppin’ out with my Ruthie

Ladies and gentlemen…put your hands together for Ruth Gordon as Minnie Castavet:

flawless

flawless

Once Minnie and her husband decide they’d like to implant Satan’s spawn in poor Rosemary Woodhouse’s (played flawlessly by Mia Farrow) baby-maker, they invite Rosemary and her husband, Guy, to a dinner party. Look at Minnie’s table manners!

now THIS is acting

now THIS is acting

Minnie and her buddy Laura-Louise get comfy at Rosemary’s house. Ruth Gordon does a god-awful interpretation of knitting but I love her anyways:

she can do it all

she can do it all

After a while Minnie just won’t go away with her crazy red devil-loving eyes:

I wish my neighbors were this cool (minus Satanism)

I wish my neighbors were this cool (minus Satanism)

After a bunch of really disturbing madness involving Satan’s spawn’s conception and a bunch of gaslighting that drives Rosemary (understandably) batty…Minnie is still there at the end of the movie.

I like to think she becomes the devil-baby’s Auntie Mame.

no one ever made Satanism seem so effortless

no one ever made Satanism seem so effortless

I’m not the only one who loved Ruth Gordon in this. Apparently the Oscar® committee used to have some taste:

YASSSS

YASSSS

Thanks for everything, Ruth Gordon. Everything you do is pure gold (except Where’s Poppa...ugh).

*NOTE * – I will be reviewing all three of Polanski’s Apartment Trilogy movies this month!

  • Zoombear
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The Babadook

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I wouldn’t say that I wasted my time with this film, and props that it has a female director, and the lead, while unknown, had some great acting chops, but I like my psychological thrillers shallow. What you get with the babadook is a metaphorical piece about the negative forces inside us all, and how they manifest, and all I basically wanted was a nice surface level story about the creepy yet dapper boogeyman with the top hat and was content just to leave it at that. Anyway, on to the summary.

Amelia is a stressed out widowed single mother to 6-year-old Sam. Sam’s Dad died in a car accident driving Amelia to the hospital when she was giving birth, and 6 years later she hasn’t really gotten over it. Sam also has some behavioral issues and is obsessed with the idea of monsters under the bed. At first you can’t really tell if Sam is misbehaving because of her enabling his bad behavior (he brought a monster fighting weapon to school and almost shot a kid’s eye out, and she didn’t have very much to say about this other than blaming the school) or if he’s just fucked up. Then you see it’s probably a combination of both. However, later on in the film when Amelia becomes possessed by the evil force and yells at Sam to go eat shit when he nicely says that he’s hungry and couldn’t find any food in the house and that he needs some for his medication, I couldn’t help but think, “hey, maybe if you’d been a bit more direct from the get go, the kid would have fallen in line” spare the rod, spoil the child you know.

Anyway, Sam goes on alienating people with his imaginary monster obsession and waking Amelia up every night, including one scene while she was trying to masturbate. Although her vibrator looked like a tweeze so maybe the kid was doing her a favor.

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Everyone is tougher in Australia

.One night, after having to check his room for monsters for the umpteenth time, she tells him that he can choose his bedtime story that night. He goes and pulls out a handmade looking book called “Mister Babadook” She asks where he got it, and he says that it just appeared on the shelf. So she starts reading. At first it just seems like kind of a weird rhyming book about an odd imaginary friend, but then obviously takes a dark turn about not letting said friend in cause then he’ll take over and hides in your closet. At this point, given the kid has already got a few issues, when did she think would be a good time to stop reading?

Was it here?

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Or maybe here

babadookcard

I don’t even have a closet and there’s no way I’d read that shit before I went to sleep.

Amelia confiscates the book and hides it in her room. After that Sam starts becoming even stranger and his behavior starts escalating. He has a temper tantrum when Amelia says he can’t make weapons anymore and yells at her, “Do you want to die???” he also has some sort of rage seizure in the car and she takes him to the hospital where the doctor says that most of the tests were normal, but it could be some issue with his brain overheating. Amelia also gets a phone call from a creepy voice that just says “Baba dook dook dook” over and over and to me that was the scariest part of the film, which I thought was unfortunate. At this point it’s clear that the Babadook has taken over Sam and the book keeps appearing in places, but this time there are more pages that were previously blank that have been filled in with pictures of Amelia murdering Sam. For some reason that is unexplained, or maybe I just wasn’t interested enough to figure out, the Babadook then goes from Sam into Amelia. She basically starts becoming really mean to him, which gets him to calm the fuck down and start behaving a bit better, so yeah, the whole trying to murder him thing is a bit over the top, but maybe she can learn from this. Sam is smart enough to figure out that she’s been possessed so he uses his monster traps on her and knocks her out long enough for him to tie her up in the basement. She gets free and tries to strangle him to death, but for some other reason that I guess was too deep for me to figure out, through Sam’s love and the neighbor being nice to her in a previous scene, she’s able to expel the Babadook from herself in a pile of black vomit.

From then on everything is really great between them. Although they collect worms to offer the invisible Babadook that now lives in the basement and seems pretty aggressive still. Again, this is never explained, so I had to google it, and that’s where I learned I just wasn’t intellectual enough to piece together that it stands for both of their issues that they are now trying to harness and keep in the basement.

All in all, entertaining enough if you have a free hour and a half, but don’t pay for it.

-BurritoLvr

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Children of the Corn

First post of 2015, Yay!

ChildrenoftheCornPoster

Ok, so the first movie review is of Stephen Kings 1984 Children of the corn!

The movie starts out with a little kid doing a monologue, a little breakdown of what is about to happen.. Basically, bloody stuff.  This guy, Isaac..Children-of-the-Corn-Squaretalks this guy, Malachi… Malachiand like all of the children in Gatlin to kill all of the adults.. so they like poison a bunch of people in a coffee shop, including the little boy doing the monologue’s parents… His sister is “of the sight” and draws a picture of what is going to happen, pretty creepy!

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Flash to some white dude and Linda Hamilton,large-children-of-the-corn-blu-ray-1585164404 and no, there, unfortunately are no Terminators anywhere in this movie… sad…

They are travelling cause he is a doctor or something and they hit this kid trying to get away from Gatlin.  They stop and try to report the accident because it is evident something is wrong since he finds the boys bloody suitcase in a corn field..

They try to find this one town but end up in Gatlin… uh ooooh… The little girl with “the sight” has drawn that they are in town so the creepy Isaac kid tells everyone to find the interlopers or outlanders or whatever they are and spill some blood for their corn god…

Linda Hamilton and the white dude find the good kids (little boy and the girl with “the sight”) but so do the bad kids…

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Stupid white guy has left poor Linda Hamilton all alone with the good kids though… and with no Terminator in sight… they take her and try to use her to get the white guy…

hurr-durr-derp-face-children-of-the-derpIt doesn’t work because the white dude is off somewhere with the good kids.. A lot of teen melodrama is happening.. Creepy Isaac is trying to do “gods will”… Malachi just wants to kill people… and because he’s bigger and weirder, he over powers Isaac and does what he wants…

This happens also between melodrama…

eae5c1c4302ecb3151dfc37a29ce6c9aIf you are wondering what that is, yes that is a male nipple… and a bowl made out of corn with blood in it.. From what I surmise, this dude is turning 18 and is now an adult and must now die for their “corn god”…

Back to Malachi and Isaac… Basically the dude that is turning 18 is going to be sacrificed but now Malachi has overtaken Isaac and Isaac is also going to be sacrificed.. bummer for him…. This happens… Children-of-the-corn-2_133476867605Some weird ass thing that looks like it’s right out of tremors comes along from out of the corn field and this happens…

2ahryhgHe is being eaten by something out of freaking Reboot at this point.. I dunno what is going on… he like.. explodes or some weirdness.. and then he is this…

images16V4BJ2MHe has instantaneously gone through puberty and literally gone to hell and back because now he is the devil or something… an old midget devil I guess…

The white dude saves Linda Hamilton and they run to a barn nearby with the other kids that the white dude has managed to talk into saying fuck you to their corn god… pretty impressionable they are, I must say…

The white dude and the little boy devise a plan to destroy the corn fields with gas and they start to gas the field then Zool or Gozer comes or something….

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They get hit with a few things and almost get eaten by the tremor thing but eventually….

2706Yep that’s what happened!

All in all, not really horror, more suspense, but still pretty good and because this is mostly centered around kids and how fucked up they can be… pretty good.. Really awesome 80’s hair in some parts!😀

-LadyBuffnstuff

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Left Bank

So I was supposed to review Left Bank… But the only one I could find was in another language.. and I couldn’t understand crap…

So I will be doing a review of another movie, and will post that shortly!🙂

Lady Buffnstuff

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