The Omen

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It may be the Omen, or just you know, like working with kids in general.

A timeless classic about the most evil force of all: small children. As a childcare professional I can attest to this. That and rottweilers apparently.

Robert Thorn is an American ambassador living in Rome where his wife is giving birth to their son. He rolls up to the catholic hospital and a creeper priest tells him his baby died, and 2 minutes later is like “well, we got a spare orphan here, take that one.” Dude’s like “well, we were kind of looking forward to our own, that just died like five minutes ago.” and creeper priest is like, “this is a sweet deal, your wife doesn’t even have to know, she wakes up, and oh look here, baby!” so Thorn accepts and gets pressured into totally and completely deceiving his wife and potentially ruining his entire marriage/life, which is yeah, basically what happens. Moral of the story (besides kids will ruin your life) maybe don’t deceive your spouse to epic proportions.

So they name their son Damien and become a happy family and Thorn gets appointed as the ambassador to Britain whereby they move to London. It’s also explained that his best friend and college roommate is the president of the U.S. so obviously they’re going to have some killer reunions. At Damien’s birthday party his nanny publicly hangs herself in front of the entire party from the roof of the Thorn’s mansion. Again, as a childcare professional, I have to say, understandable and not a bad way to go.

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Look at that sense of relief. Maybe she also made 10 euros an hour.

A new nanny, named Mrs.Baylock (imagine if Mary Poppins were older, slightly less hot, and a satanist that worships the anti-Christ) shows up unexpectedly.

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Nothing against Billie Whitelaw, but even though Julie Andrews is like 85 at this point, I’d still probably hit it.

The Thorn’s can’t figure out where she came from, and then never bother to follow up with the agency that supposedly sent her (and then are all annoyed when she starts doing shady things, I mean, is this the reason livescan was invented or what?). After this, odd things start happening, consistently centered around Damien. A rottweiler appears that Mrs.Baylock presumptuously adopts and keeps around even after Mr.Thorn tells her to get rid of it, Damien freaks out and refuses to go inside of a church attacking his mother in the process, and the monkeys at the zoo he visits with his mom go ape shit (pun intended).

Meanwhile, another creeper priest (but Irish this time) keeps following Thorn around trying to tell him that Damien is the devil and must be killed in order to save humanity. The priest says that the devil and his merry band of anti-Christ worshippers plan to kill off the Thorns and use their power, influence, and money to take over the world. He predicts that Thorn’s wife is pregnant again, and that Damien will try and prevent the child from being born.

Thorn dismisses the priest as a whack job and tells him to fuck off. The priest then gets impaled by a lightening rod in a freak accident and Thorn finds out his wife is indeed pregnant, and starts thinking maybe crazy priest wasn’t just hitting the sacramental wine too hard, and may actually know his shit.

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“Hello Father Donegan. Sidewalks? Sidewalks?”

Basically Damien, with the help of Mrs.Baylock runs his mom over a stairway railing, she loses the pregnancy and almost dies. A reporter that has been noticing all the freaky stuff happening regarding the Thorns approaches Mr. Thorn and says that he knows something is up and wants to help him.

They go to Rome to try and find out more about Damien’s birth but the hospital has conveniently been in a fire and everyone and thing that could have helped them was destroyed. They found out that there was no Damien’s mother, yup, he be the devil after all, and then decide to follow everyone’s advice saying that they should kill him (but it has to be in a church). Reporter guy gets decapitated in a freak accident, and Thorn goes home to kill the kid. He gets in a fight with Mrs.Baylock, kills her, and then starts driving like an asshole resulting in the cops following him and the whole plan getting Fu barred. He tries to seal the deal, but the cops shoot him to death, after which the president and first lady adopt Damien.

I liked this movie, as it was my second time watching it, but again the whole plot hit a bit close to home. In the end the one that got the best deal was probably the nanny that hung herself, but you still had timeless life lessons like lying is bad, sometimes you try to do the right thing and it fails miserably blah blah blah. Gregory Peck still looked good though. One thing is for sure; I will keep the kids I work with away from Rottweilers.

BurritoLvr

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