Children of the Corn

First post of 2015, Yay!


Ok, so the first movie review is of Stephen Kings 1984 Children of the corn!

The movie starts out with a little kid doing a monologue, a little breakdown of what is about to happen.. Basically, bloody stuff.  This guy, Isaac..Children-of-the-Corn-Squaretalks this guy, Malachi… Malachiand like all of the children in Gatlin to kill all of the adults.. so they like poison a bunch of people in a coffee shop, including the little boy doing the monologue’s parents… His sister is “of the sight” and draws a picture of what is going to happen, pretty creepy!


Flash to some white dude and Linda Hamilton,large-children-of-the-corn-blu-ray-1585164404 and no, there, unfortunately are no Terminators anywhere in this movie… sad…

They are travelling cause he is a doctor or something and they hit this kid trying to get away from Gatlin.  They stop and try to report the accident because it is evident something is wrong since he finds the boys bloody suitcase in a corn field..

They try to find this one town but end up in Gatlin… uh ooooh… The little girl with “the sight” has drawn that they are in town so the creepy Isaac kid tells everyone to find the interlopers or outlanders or whatever they are and spill some blood for their corn god…

Linda Hamilton and the white dude find the good kids (little boy and the girl with “the sight”) but so do the bad kids…


Stupid white guy has left poor Linda Hamilton all alone with the good kids though… and with no Terminator in sight… they take her and try to use her to get the white guy…

hurr-durr-derp-face-children-of-the-derpIt doesn’t work because the white dude is off somewhere with the good kids.. A lot of teen melodrama is happening.. Creepy Isaac is trying to do “gods will”… Malachi just wants to kill people… and because he’s bigger and weirder, he over powers Isaac and does what he wants…

This happens also between melodrama…

eae5c1c4302ecb3151dfc37a29ce6c9aIf you are wondering what that is, yes that is a male nipple… and a bowl made out of corn with blood in it.. From what I surmise, this dude is turning 18 and is now an adult and must now die for their “corn god”…

Back to Malachi and Isaac… Basically the dude that is turning 18 is going to be sacrificed but now Malachi has overtaken Isaac and Isaac is also going to be sacrificed.. bummer for him…. This happens… Children-of-the-corn-2_133476867605Some weird ass thing that looks like it’s right out of tremors comes along from out of the corn field and this happens…

2ahryhgHe is being eaten by something out of freaking Reboot at this point.. I dunno what is going on… he like.. explodes or some weirdness.. and then he is this…

images16V4BJ2MHe has instantaneously gone through puberty and literally gone to hell and back because now he is the devil or something… an old midget devil I guess…

The white dude saves Linda Hamilton and they run to a barn nearby with the other kids that the white dude has managed to talk into saying fuck you to their corn god… pretty impressionable they are, I must say…

The white dude and the little boy devise a plan to destroy the corn fields with gas and they start to gas the field then Zool or Gozer comes or something….


They get hit with a few things and almost get eaten by the tremor thing but eventually….

2706Yep that’s what happened!

All in all, not really horror, more suspense, but still pretty good and because this is mostly centered around kids and how fucked up they can be… pretty good.. Really awesome 80’s hair in some parts! 😀


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